The secret to happiness is not so secret at all. Many have studied happiness, yet most complicate it and monetize it. It is, in fact, quite simple… but the process is not easy.

Happiness is not something outside of you. It is an internal process. No one and nothing can ever make you happy, yet the good news is that they also cannot take it away from you.

The path to wholeness and inner peace lies within you. The roadmap is your feelings and triggers… Here are the principles that will guide you home.

1. Forgive yourself … for every mistake, detour and missed opportunity. If you knew better, you would do better. Have compassion for the younger parts of you, who were trying so hard to get it right, yet failed or got scared. If it wasn’t for those mistakes and detours, you wouldn’t be the wise adult that you are today.
2. Forgive everyone else … everyone crosses your path for a specific reason. There are no coincidences, whatsoever. In fact, you attract the people and situations into your life to show you the way. Some experiences are less graceful than others, yet are necessary for your soul’s evolution. Holding anger and resentment towards them will only prolong the healing journey. The more painful the situation, the bigger the lesson. These catalysts are your allies, not your enemies. Find grace towards yourself and them, and gratitude will follow.
3. Refine your values and standards of integrity, then set non-negotiable boundaries to protect your energy and command respect. This teaches people how to treat you. Don’t be afraid to say “No” or walk away from people and places that are not aligned with your values and standards. Find those that are. Only say “yes” to people and things that genuinely spark joy in you. Don’t be a “yes-man.”
4. Feel all your feelings – the full spectrum. Sit with each trigger and each feeling and listen to it. Let it tell you the painful story, the sadness, the loneliness, the shame, the anger… even if you find it hard to get to the story where the emotion is coming from, simply be with it. Stop running, numbing, suppressing or distracting. Listen carefully, with compassion, without needing to fix it or make it go away. Trust your body’s intelligence. They will only hurt for a few minutes, then the feeling will dissipate.
5. Listen to your body. Honor your needs and wants. Trust that what is meant for you will trigger a positive, full-body response. If you are tired – rest, don’t power through it, if you are hungry – eat, to avoid overeating later, if you are feeling joyful – dance or capitalize on that joy, if you are stressed – stop and take care of yourself (ground, listen to music, meditate/pray, take a walk, simply unplug), the problem will stop being so urgent if you stop magnifying it and trying to solve it right there and then.
6. Take good care of your body. You only get one in this lifetime. Nourish it with healthy food, exercise to get mentally and physically strong, practice holistic self-care. Check in with yourself and don’t wait until the problems get worse before addressing them.
7. Surround yourself with loving and kind people, who genuinely wish the best for you. Having a lot of friends is not the goal and is rarely sustainable. Pick the few that you can be fully yourself with – no masks, no pretense – and focus your love and energy towards them, whether family or friends. You cannot please everyone and searching for constant validation will drain your energy. Only share your energy with those who fill your cup.
8. Do what you love, connect with joy, play and wonder. Engage in activities that make you lose your sense of time, that flood your body with feel-good chemicals. Selling your soul for money will only keep you miserable. Chasing your tail will drain the life force out of you. Choose to develop your natural talents and connect with what brings joy back into your life. Do not allow fear and scarcity to dictate your decisions. Trust that what is meant for you will always lead you to have more than enough to sustain yourself. This path will lead you to your purpose and greater contribution to humanity. Share your gifts. There is deep fulfillment in knowing your life made someone else’s a little lighter.

Now I am not saying the process of healing and transformation is easy or even graceful. However, choosing not to go through with it will guarantee to keep you in misery. Life is happening NOW. Living in alignment with your true self will flood your system with joy and gratitude, and you will be so glad you did. Don’t let fear hold you back from your greatness. Happiness is a choice and every choice you make on a daily basis will either bring you a step closer or farther from it. So choose wisely.

Yours in choosing happiness,

Ava