Throughout our evolution as a society we are becoming more self-aware. We are learning to understand ourselves on a much deeper level, becoming more curious about why we think, feel and behave the way we do. However, at times this self-awareness is being used against us. Many of us tend to read self-help books, dabble in psychology, astrology, listen to podcasts, and consume endless information that tends to further rationalize and label what we feel. The danger here is that we tend to find a convenient narrative, often labeling it as “trauma”, and then get comfortable in it.

The inner work and healing hardly stops there. Yet it feels so validating naming our pain as “trauma”. Suddenly there is an explanation for why we are the way we are. We often hear, I am like this because my parents did this or that… I have abandonment issues because of this… I cannot trust because someone did that… and an array of variations of these stories. Surely everyone went through something challenging in life, some more traumatizing than others. And of course, nobody deserves to be mistreated, especially children…

Yet once we peel another layer and zoom out slightly more, we can see that there is more to healing than simply staying in our “victim” stories. By no means I intend to minimize or invalidate the pain that people are going through or went through. Pain is real. Trauma is real. And some experiences leave wounds that take years to understand, feel and integrate. I simply want you to think a bit differently about this.

Generally you grow up to become who you needed as a child. That’s the path. Perhaps the very experiences that wounded you also planted the seeds for who you were meant to become. The child who did not feel heard may become someone who deeply listens to others. The person who experienced abandonment may learn the deepest lesson of never abandoning themselves. The one who felt powerless may spend their life helping others remember their own power.

So if we do not experience any pain or suffering, would we ever strive towards evolution? Our souls are here to grow and evolve, and perhaps we simply cannot do it without going through certain life experiences. Our biggest teachers in life are not necessarily those that grow our intellect, but those who challenge us, trigger us and sometimes cause us pain to help grow our souls. They reveal the places inside of us that still need our attention.

At some point healing asks us to shift the question from, “Why did this happen to me?” to “What is this experience asking me to transform?”

That shift does not excuse what happened. It does not mean you should tolerate mistreatment or bypass your pain in the name of spirituality. It simply means that what happened to you does not have to become the story that defines the rest of your life. Be grateful for the teachers, but do not let the stories victimize you into stagnancy. And please remain compassionate with yourself throughout this process. As ripping the bandage off trauma is never the way to go. Healing requires tenderness, patience and a willingness to meet yourself exactly where you are.

So find what sets your soul on fire – whether that’s an injustice that angers you, or a situation that saddens you, whatever you feel called to, whatever triggers you… and ask yourself:

How can I transform my life experience into my own evolution?

Perhaps your wounds were never meant to become your identity. Perhaps they were meant to become the doorway through which you discover your strength, your compassion, your purpose and ultimately, yourself.

The answers are all within you…

Yours in soul searching,

Ava