Forgiveness: The Path to Setting Yourself Free
Forgiveness is not about excusing what happened or pretending it didn’t hurt—it’s about setting yourself free. But true forgiveness requires a willingness to let go of the past first. That doesn’t mean bypassing your pain or forcing yourself to move on before you’re ready. It means honoring the process, step by step, until forgiveness becomes a natural choice rather than an obligation.
Step 1: Process Your Grief
Before you can truly forgive, you must allow yourself to grieve. It’s okay if you’re not ready yet. It’s okay to sit with the version of you that was hurt, that was wronged. Hold space for that part of yourself—nurture it, listen to it, let it feel seen and heard.
You may find yourself replaying the story over and over. That’s normal. You’ll move from blame to shame to self-blame and back again. Let the emotions rise—anger, sadness, guilt, resentment—give each one a voice. If necessary, write letters you’ll never send as part of a “radical forgiveness” process. Express everything without judgment.
The key here is self-compassion. Don’t rush or shame yourself for how long it takes. The more grace you give yourself, the easier it will be to move through this stage rather than getting stuck in it.
Step 2: Acceptance & Shifting Perspective
At some point, after all the blaming—of them, of yourself, of the universe—you’ll find yourself at the doorway of acceptance. This is where things shift. You start to see that what happened wasn’t just an accident of cruelty but a necessary part of your evolution.
The experience that once felt like a wound now begins to look like a lesson. A mirror. A guidepost. You may even begin to feel gratitude—not for the pain itself, but for what it revealed, for the ways it shaped you. You realize life isn’t happening to you; it’s happening for you. Every person involved was just a messenger, reflecting back something within you that needed healing, growth, or transformation.
This phase humbles you. It strengthens you. It softens you. And when you embrace it fully, you begin to see that your pain was never meant to destroy you—it was meant to refine you.
Step 3: The Choice to Forgive & Let Go
Once you’ve moved through acceptance, you’ll know you’re ready to forgive. But forgiveness isn’t passive—it’s a conscious decision. It’s choosing, every moment, again and again, not to live in the past. It’s deciding who you want to be as a result of this experience and committing to that version of yourself.
This means staying present. It means noticing when old triggers arise and resisting the pull of spiraling thoughts that try to recreate past pain into the present moment. When your mind replays the story, meet it with love, not attachment. Pour compassion into yourself instead of fueling the emotions that keep you stuck.
The more you practice releasing the victim narrative, the more power you reclaim. And from this place of strength, you can make new choices—setting boundaries, acting differently, showing up as the empowered version of you instead of the wounded one.
Healing Is Not a Straight Line
Healing is not linear. It’s a dance—two steps forward, one step back. Some days, you’ll feel light, free, and open. Other days, old wounds might resurface, and it may feel like you’re back where you started. But you’re not. Every step counts. Every small moment of awareness, every pause before reacting, every time you choose to shift your perspective—it all matters.
So don’t get discouraged if progress doesn’t feel consistent. Healing is still happening, even in the moments when it doesn’t seem like it. Trust that any movement forward, no matter how small, is still movement in the right direction. And any progress, no matter how slow, is worth healing for.
Forgiveness Has No Timeline
You cannot force forgiveness. You cannot rush healing. Some wounds take longer than others, and that’s okay. But when you are ready—when you choose to let go—the past will stop haunting you. The pain will lose its grip. And freedom will take its place.
It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Because at the end of this journey, you’re not just forgiving them.
You’re setting yourself free.
Love,
Ava
